


Why do we fight?

by Cdkk2010 (Musichick2004)



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-09-27
Packaged: 2018-06-06 08:55:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6747355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Musichick2004/pseuds/Cdkk2010
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Barba and Carisi bicker all the time, but it's getting ridiculous. What is causing the usually level-headed DA and the normally happy-go-lucky detective to keep escalating their fights?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Really?” Olivia turned to glare at Barba as Carisi stormed out of the observation room. Barba kept staring into the interview room, refusing to meet her eyes. He knew he’d gone a bit too far, but this smug kid just irritated the hell out of him. When Olivia didn't  avert her gaze, he turned on his heel, grabbed his briefcase from the floor by the door and pulled the door open. “Call me when you have something that ISN’T circumstantial,” he tossed over his shoulder as he slammed the door behind him.

 _Ugggghhhh_ Barba thought as he took a detour back to his office to get coffee. _What was I thinking? I can't lose control like that._ He sighed as he took a sip of his fair trade dark roast from his favorite cafe. He knows he screwed up, but the kid will get over it. He always does. _Unfortunately,_ he thought. Life would be a lot easier if Dominick Carisi would just stop his incessant smiling and offering help and trying to impress him. Barba just ducked his head and tried to ignore the thoughts swimming through his head. He had a lot to do before his grand jury in the morning.

 _Who the HELL  does he think he is?_ Carisi was pacing and grabbed the bars of the bunk closest to him and shook it, fully intending to throw it across the room. “Hey man, easy.” Fin came in and put a hand on Sonny’s shoulder.

“Why? I'm just a dumbass Italian kid from Staten island trying to play cops and robbers and I'm delusional enough to THINK I may ever be a lawyer.”

“Come on, that's not what he meant.”

“Yeah? Then what did he mean? He’s so full of himself, he thinks everyone is beneath him.”

“He’s just stressing over the case, we all are, just take a breath.”

Sonny looked at his partner and relaxed a little. “Maybe you're right, but that doesn't give Barba the right to belittle me.”

“Nah, it doesn't. But standing in here throwing pillows around ain't gonna change it. Stand up for yourself, man.” Carisi felt his cheeks get warm _thank goodness it’s dark in here_ he thought. Confronting Barba was the last thing he wanted to do. Not that he was afraid of him, of course, but all he wanted was for the man to like him. To respect him. _To love me._ Damnit.

“You want respect, you gotta fight for it.”

*sigh* Fin was right. Even if his stomach was in knots about it, Carisi made the decision to confront Barba tonight. It was already past quitting time, and the suspect could use a few hours in holding to think about his options. “You're right.” Carisi stood up, practicing using his height to hide his nervousness. Usually people are slightly intimidated by having to look up at him, even though he’s fairly thin. “Tell Liv I'll see her tomorrow.” Fin held the door for his partner. _Good luck man,_ he thought. _Boy’s got some balls confronting that bulldog._

It was late, and Barba had sent his staff home hours ago. In fact, he wouldn't be surprised if he was the only person in the building besides security. His tie was draped around his neck, sleeves rolled up past his elbows, top 2 buttons open, and the words on his page were starting to swim from the eye strain. Closing the folder, Barba leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head and closed his eyes. He didn't want to fall asleep, but if it happened it wouldn't be the first time he'd slept in his office.

Just when he started to really relax he heard a loud knock at his door. He jumped to his feet, heart pounding, as the door swung open and Detective Carisi stormed in. “ _Ay_ _dios mio_ Carisi!” Barba grabbed his chest to try and slow his heart rate “are you trying to kill me?!”

Carisi’s instinct was to immediately apologize, but he stopped himself. He took a breath and stared at Barba for a few moments, at least allowing his adrenaline to come down a few notches. How had he never noticed how defined his arm muscles were? His forearms were shaking from the tension, and even through his shirt, Carisi could see the bulge of his bicep straining the fabric. _Stop ogling. You're here to stand up for yourself, not make a fool of yourself._ He thought. Slowly, through gritted teeth and uncharacteristically quiet, he asked the question. “Who. The hell. Do you think you are?”

“Excuse me?” Barba was genuinely surprised. “You're the one who burst in here, shouldn't I be asking you that?”

“Ha!” Carisi threw a fake laugh at Barba. “Mr. ‘I don't take advice from some rookie cop taking night classes at _Fordham,_ ’" he spit Barba's words back at him. "No, _I_  get to ask you what _your_ fuckin problem is.” If looks could kill, Carisi hoped his glare could at least knock Barba down a few pegs.

“Carisi, I'm the ADA for SVU,” Barba began, slowly but sternly. “I don't need advice from the detectives working this case, especially with the track record lately of coerced confessions and tainted evidence. Just because you're talking some classes, doesn't make you any more qualified than any of the other detectives.”

“Bullshit. Because I'm _right_ , you pompous ass.” Sonny threw some papers onto Barba’s desk. “Read it. You know where I am when you decide to come off this pedestal you built for yourself, Mr. Harvard Law.” He stormed out and made it about 50 feet from the building before he started shaking.


	2. Pompous ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so focused on a 45 chapter NCIS fic that I abandoned this one for a while. I'll stick with Barisi for a while now :)

_ Shit. I AM a pompous ass. _

Barba read the papers for the 6th time that night. The detectives had had motive, and a ‘hunch,’ but nothing concrete. Then the suspect had asked for a lawyer, but Fin didn't hear him. 2 minutes later, the guy slipped and confessed to a detail he shouldn't have known, but now his lawyer said it was inadmissible because he'd asked for a lawyer. Barba blew up when Carisi tried to tell him the attorney was wrong. Now that he'd re-read the transcripts, and Sonny’s notes, he realized that a slight technicality [the specific wording of his lawyer request, and the wording of detective Tutuola’s questions] just might work in their favor. The hard evidence wasn't there, yet, but now that he realized this statement could be used, the detectives could use it as a ‘bargaining chip’ to get the details they needed.

Admitting he was wrong was bad enough. Admitting it to Mr. Staten Island Sunshine was even worse. He had to talk to someone, and figured he would text Liv.

_ 10:23 Me: I know it's late, but are you up? _ _ 10:23 Benson: Yeah, what's up? _

_ 10:23 Me: As much as it pains me to say, Carisi may be right. _

_ 10:24 Benson: That's great! We'll nail this guy first thing tomorrow. _

 

_ 10:32 Benson: Barba, earth to Barba _

 

_ 10:35 Benson: This is a good thing, right? We’re gonna get him? _

_ 10:35 Me: Yeah, Liv _

_ 10:35 Benson: OK, what else? You could have waited until tomorrow for this, so what else is going on? _

_ 10:38 Me: Carisi is right. _

_ 10:38 Benson: Yeah, you said that. _

_ 10:39 Me: I was wrong. Carisi was right. _

_ 10:39 Benson: Yes, broken record. Don't tell me that, tell him. _

_ 10:40 Me: Can’t. _

_ 10:41 Benson: Oh come on, put on your big girl panties. He can't stay mad at you, the kid worships the ground you walk on counselor. _

 

_ 10:46 Me: That's the problem. _

 

_ 10:48 Benson: Oh no. Really? Rafael, you can't go all moony-eyed over every cop who hangs on your every word. You gotta get out more, man. He’s a good kid, but A) he’s a kid, and B) he’s straight. _

_ 10:48 Me: you think I haven't noticed? I keep hoping he’ll just walk away, but it's almost he likes the sarcasm and criticism. Kid's a masochist. I'm not into that. _

_ 10:49 Benson: TMI _

_ 10:49 Benson: Seriously, just tell him you were wrong, and I'll see if I can keep him out of your office for a while. Deal? _

 

_ 10:57 Me: Deal. Thanks Liv. Night. _

_ 10:57 Benson: Night Barba _

Barba partially felt relief at Olivia's suggestion. He would deal with Carisi one more time, and then his repeated trips to drop off paperwork and his hanging around to ask legal questions would stop. He wouldn't have to deal with the temptation. It was always easier for him to fantasize about people who were out of reach, but this had gone too far. And then he snapped. If it hadn't been Carisi who suggested the defense attorney was wrong, and maybe if he hadn't touched him as he said it…

Barba also felt a pang of sorrow. There were plenty of times when the jabs and zings between them were fun, and Carisi’s ever present grin would make his day a little brighter. The kid was smart, and probably would make a good lawyer, and was definitely a good cop, but Barba’s thoughts never stopped there. Usually he could just decide to stop thinking about someone like that, but not with Carisi. That irritated him beyond belief.

Water under the bridge. Can't change the past. Barba needed to grow up, own his mistake, and then get Carisi out of his head.


	3. Chapter 3

Barba made the trip to his apartment in record time, although it was even later than usual. He stepped in and swallowed hard when he saw the light next to the couch switch on.

“This is getting ridiculous, Rafael.”

Sean never used his full name, unless he was in trouble. He crossed the room quickly and sat on the couch next to his boyfriend. “I know, _lo siento, mi amor_.” Barba hated feeling like this. He had a lovely man at home, a 9-5 kind of guy. He’d just moved in, so they could spend more time together.

“Jake and Ryan were really looking forward to dinner.”

His sons wanted to get to know him. His elementary school aged sons. The boys he’d been able to avoid when they were living apart because they spent half their time with Sean’s ex. Rafael scrubbed a hand over his face, “I couldn't bail on the case. This is a bad guy, Sean. Really bad.”

The smaller man sighed, “there's always going to be a bad guy. I need _my_ guy. It’s been nearly a year, I can't keep waiting in the wings for you. I haven't even met your friends.”

Barba gave him a small, sad smile, and pulled him into his arms. “ _Te amo,_ ” he whispered, and pulled his glasses off his face. He was safe. He was attractive. He was hopelessly in love with Rafael. He deserved better. Barba vowed to do better. He’d remove the temptation and irritatingly adorable presence of Sonny Carisi. Barba never failed at anything if he put his mind to it.

*****

The morning came and Barba took a little extra time to ensure he looked his best. Maybe he was getting rid of Carisi, but he still let his vanity choose his outfit for the day. The fact that his pants hugged his ass perfectly was not lost on him. Then again, most of his pants were tailored to accentuate his finest assets.

He sighed and smoothed his tie when he felt slim fingers wrapping around his waist and hooking a belt loop to turn him around. “Stop fussing, it looks perfect. Not a wrinkle in sight.” Sean looked up at him with his big, goofy grin.

“Except around my eyes,” Barba replied.

“Please, you're aging quite well. Refined. Dignified.” Sean was only about 5’4” tall, so he stood on his tiptoes to kiss Barba's forehead. “And I talked to Chris. He's willing to switch his weekend with the boys so they can be here this weekend. We're _going_ to do something.”

Barba closed his eyes, “you _know_ it might change. Weekends off are never a guarantee.”

Sean caught his chin between thumb and the side of his forefinger and tipped his head down slightly, “that's why I've left the WHOLE weekend open. You have to come home at some point.”

Barba quirked one side of his mouth into a smile. “Ok. We will.” This was part of doing better. Barba had something, _someone,_ to try and put before his job. Then his phone dinged with a text. He glanced at the summary on the face of his phone and groaned. _Carisi_.

Sean read it too, and grabbed the phone, unlocking it with a swipe. “Hey, about last night, we should talk.” He read, stepping back and glaring at Barba. “What the hell is this, Rafael?”

Barba was confused for a second, then immediately realized how it looked, but before he could say anything or take his phone back, it dinged again. Sean read this one to himself, then threw the phone at him and stormed from the room. Barba left the text unread and followed, “he’s a detective at SVU! What did he say now?!” He yelled through the locked bedroom door. No answer. “I messed up yesterday, and you know how I just _love_ to admit I was wrong. And he’s insufferable anyway. And I asked Liv to keep him out of my hair. That’s what happened last night. That's why I was late. I screwed up.” He dropped his forehead onto the door. “I hate screwing up.” He said, quietly, throwing in a few curse words under his breath.

The door unlocked and Sean opened it slowly. “You'll excuse me if I don't 100% trust that answer? There's been a lot more late nights, nights spent at the office, that kind of thing.”

Barba nodded once, knowing he’d have to prove this to him before he left, even if it made them both late. “Let me prove it.” He grabbed Sean by the wrist and pulled him back to the bathroom where his phone was on the floor. He glanced at the text and rolled his eyes. _Gracias, Carisi._ He handed Sean the phone. “Dial Liv. I’ll tell her to answer whatever question you ask.”

Sean looked suspicious, but found Olivia’s number and dialed. He passed the phone to Barba and waited.

_“Hey Barba, what's up?”_

“Liv, I need a favor.”

 _“Anything, you ok?”_ Her voice was nervous. Barba wasn't totally out of the woods as far as threats went.

“Yes, I'm fine, but…” he inhaled, “keeping this between us, my…” God, he was too old to call someone a _boyfriend_ … “My _partner_ has some questions about a text I received.”

 _“Partner?”_ Olivia sounded surprised. Not that the 'spanish dandy’ was gay, of course, rather that he had someone to call a partner. He just handed Sean the phone.

“Uh...hi there. Detective Bensen?”

_“Yes, you're the one who puts up with him?”_

Sean snorted, “usually. Anyway, you know anyone named Carisi?”

_“He’s on the squad, yes.”_

Sean visibly relaxed, “And why would he text my boyfriend asking why he doesn't want to see him anymore?”

Olivia sighed, _“Because your boyfriend was an ass and won't admit when he’s wrong. Carisi saved a case, and Barba still told me to keep him out of his office. I just told him.”_

Sean flushed crimson as he looked at Barba’s outstretched hand. “Um... thanks,” he handed the phone over.

“Thanks Liv.”

_“Oh, we need to talk.”_

“I figured.” He ended the call and gave Sean a tipped eyebrow.

“I'm sorry?” He said, meekly.

He was vulnerable, ashamed, and with anyone else, Barba would use that to his advantage, twist it to his favor, make them feel lower than low. Instead, he dialed back and managed to choke out the words, “No, I’m sorry. You haven't met them, you didn't know Carisi is an obnoxious kid from Staten Island who grates on my nerves. And…” _Dios mio, grant me strength,_ “I take you for granted. Long nights, working 10 or 15 days straight. It wasn't an illogical conclusion.”

Sean smiled a little, “but you're still on the hook for missing dinner.”

Barba nodded. “But now, we both need to get to work.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for such a looooooooong delay. Hopefully chapters now will come once a week or so.


	4. Chapter 4

“So, you're not just kidding me about crushing on Carisi?” Liv smiled over her coffee, “I thought we were joking.”

Barba scowled at her, “ _ crushing _ is not the word I would use, but no, I wasn't kidding. And now you know  _ why _ such feelings are inappropriate.”

“I thought we were friends, Barba. How long?”

Barba thought about lying, but she was a detective trained to suss out inconsistencies and if she didn't catch him now, she'd find out later. “Like you told me about Tucker?” He frowned at her, but when she didn't cave, he sighed. “Eleven months. Met his kids 6 months ago, although I've generally not had too much interaction with them. He moved into my place last month. Jesus, I've got bunk beds in my guest room.” He fell back onto the sofa and glared at the ceiling.

“Wait,  _ kids _ ? Not only are you in a serious relationship, but he has kids?!” Olivia was shocked.

“I know. Kids hate me.” Barba closed his eyes and tried to chase away the memories of his own childhood. “It's like they just  _ know _ ,”

“Know what?” Olivia tilted her head to the side, “Barba, you're just not used to them, they're not going to bite!” She paused, “well, not usually anyway.”

Barba scoffed, “thanks Liv. Look, I gotta get going. I’ll make a quick stop in tomorrow morning if I need to, but for once, I'm NOT on call.” He stood up and gathered his things. “Maybe you're right.”

She smiled at him, “about what?”

“There is more to life than this place. Tell Ed I say hi.” He held the door to his office for her, locked up, and sent everyone else home on time for once.

He heard the giggles and laughter from halfway down the hall. At his door, he stood and listened. Sean was playing with the kids, obviously acting as some kind of roaring predator and chasing them. He smiled and tried not to think of his very expensive ceramic lamps. This kind of joy wasn't often found in his home growing up, and he didn't want to ruin it by interrupting.

Then he noticed it had stopped. The door opened, “you can come in, you know.”

Sean smiled, and Barba shrugged, “didn't want to interrupt.”

Sean rolled his eyes, “God, they don't bite.  _ Anymore. _ ” He glared, jokingly at the 4 year old at his knee.

“Daddy bites, though!” He exclaimed, then ran away with a giggle.

“Don’t I know it,” Barba said quietly, and Sean gasped and pushed him.

“Children are present!”

Barba came in, putting everything where it belonged, and noticed his lamps had been unplugged and moved to the mantel. He sighed and smiled at Sean. “I’ll make dinner tonight.”

Sean pouted, “don't hide in the kitchen. I'm glad you're home early, don't avoid us.”

Barba nodded, “I've got an idea.  _ Ten paciencia, por favor.” _

“Damn your Spanish.” Sean sighed, “your mouth gets you out of far too much.”

“ _ Soy un abogado,” _ he responded with a grin.

“Go, do your thing.”

Barba went to the bedroom and changed into jeans and a polo shirt before returning to the kitchen. There, he mixed up a large bowl of dough, spreading it onto two smaller pans and two larger pans. He left them on the counter, put the oven on to preheat, and chopped some vegetables.

“Who wants to make pizza?!” He shouted into the living room. He was amazed at just how loud two such small humans could be as they came barrelling into the kitchen. “Sauce, cheese, veggies, pepperoni” he pointed out each ingredient.

“Pepperoni?” Sean asked.

“The weird non-gmo soy stuff, don't worry, I'm not corrupting your children. Buying their acceptance with sodium, maybe.”

“And you?”

Barba gave him a half smirk and side eye. “You know I can't resist sausage.” He pulled the container of precooked meat from the fridge.

Sean rolled his eyes, “A, you're terrible. B, I'll get you cut back on meat yet.”

Barba smirked again, kissed his cheek, then yelped as Jake nearly spilled the sauce. Sean laughed. “I'll help him.” As Barba stepped toward the 4 year old, he decided to channel Carisi. Carisi, of all people. But the guy was great with kids, and maybe he could use the ‘fake it ‘till you make it’ technique.

*****

“Thank you,” Sean said, as he settled into bed next to Barba. “You have no idea how much that meant to me.”

Barba sighed as he pulled his lover close, “did I ever tell you about my father?” He knew he hadn't, very few people knew. But Sean deserved to know  _ why  _ he was so uncomfortable around kids.  _ Why _ he’d never planned on having any of his own.

Sean shook his head, so Barba inhaled deeply. “Where to start…”

*****

Barba woke before Sean. He honestly didn't know how to feel. Partly, he was relieved, partly embarrassed. Sean knew it all. Knew about the broken bones, the black eyes, the missed school. He knew how he’d taken care of his mother when she couldn't, because of the broken arm. He knew how he’d ended up in the ER as a teenager when he finally stood up to his father. How his fists still clenched at the thought of the man who’d been dead for years.

He’d felt his heart racing, noticed his tears stubbornly refusing to fall as he told him how afraid he was of being like his father. How he feels the anger simmering under the surface during a case, whenever he’s slighted, even if he’s just annoyed over something. He channels it verbally, mentally, cutting people down whenever he can, but he waits for the day it overwhelms him and he throws that first punch. How he doesn't know how to be around kids because he never had any positive role models.

He’d held him and kissed him and he was the most vulnerable he’d let himself ever be. And he’d told him how much he trusted him. How caring he was, really, and the fact that he worried about all of these things meant he  _ wouldn't _ be like his father.

Barba had fallen asleep in his arms and woken holding him. Sean started to stir, and he kissed his forehead.  _ “Buen día, mi amor,”  _ he said, stroking Sean's cheek.

“Mmmmm, mornin’” he murmured and snuggled down against his chest. Barba felt his hand slide across his stomach, then into his boxers. “Someone's awake”

“Of course,” Barba grinned, then sucked in a gasp as Sean's delicate fingers wrapped around him gently. “I like where this is going.”

Sean chuckled, “is the door locked?”

Barba rolled them both over until he was on top of his lover. “Unless you've unlocked it.” Sean shook his head, and Barba attacked his mouth and throat, greedily basking in the breathy moans and sounds coming from his lover.

Sean’s hands slid to his hips and pushed his boxers over his ass. “Rafi,” he cooed, “God, I love you.”

Barba smirked and pressed himself down against Sean’s lean body. “ _ Te amo,  _ Sean.” He reached down and pulled one of his lover's thighs up and around his waist, groaning at the ease with which the man bent around him. He needed to do more yoga. His fingers slipped between them and started massaging his balls and the sensitive area behind them, inching toward his hole.

“Kids,” Sean reminded him, “quick and dirty, Rafi, you know I love it.”

Barba reached into the nightstand and pulled out the lube, easily slicking himself and pressing against his lover. He paused, letting him relax and then slowly thrust inside. Unlike Sean, Barba was fairly average in the size department, and they were both experienced enough to move forward without much prep. He watched his lover for any sign of discomfort, but almost immediately, Sean pulled his hips close and whimpered with need. Barba wasn't one to deny his lover, and set a fast pace, shifting to pull his other leg up and over his shoulder to let him get even deeper. He pressed down onto him, trapping Sean’s large cock between them, giving him friction without stroking him, and soon they were both nearing their release. Barba uttering hushed Spanish, Sean covering his own mouth against his moans.

Sean dropped his head back onto the pillow, groaning as Rafael helped him lower his legs and slipped out of him. He tried to slow his breathing, and knew he should clean up fairly quickly. The kids would be waking up soon. But he couldn't resist stealing quick, gentle kisses from his lover.

Barba kissed Sean sweetly, then rested his forehead on his. He wasn't ready for coherent speech, so he just smiled and felt his pulse return to normal. Eventually, he flopped onto his side, “we should clean up...you shower, I'll field kids if they get up before you're done?”

Sean nodded, grabbing a few tissues to get the majority of his cum, then rolled them so he was straddling Barba’s hips. “Thank you again. I know how hard this is. Thank you for telling me.”

Barba pulled him close and kissed him. “I can't promise I’ll be home for dinners, or have weekends off. I know I’ll bring work home, physically and mentally. But I want there to be more to life than work. Thank you for  _ making _ me want that. Thank you for  _ making _ me try. For not giving up.” And he was going to try. He would be the man Sean deserved. He never failed when he put his mind to something. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ten paciencia, por favor.--Have patience, please
> 
> Soy un abogado--I'm a lawyer
> 
> Buen día, mi amor--Good morning, my love
> 
> Te amo--I love you

**Author's Note:**

> Barisi is not my main focus, and I'm slower at writing this than my NCIS fic, but it's an interesting interaction, and should be at least 5 chapters long.


End file.
